How to Build Self-Worth: 4 Science-Based Ways (+ Exercise)

How to build self-worth and improve your self-esteem: 4 science-based strategies, a 5-minute evening exercise, and what the research really says.

Gregor Braun

11/12/20264 min read

person in red hoodie standing on snowy mountain during daytime

Want to build self-worth or improve your self-esteem? Then this may sound familiar: a word of praise from your boss, and you walk home lighter. One critical remark, and suddenly you doubt everything. When your self-worth depends this much on what others say, it feels like the weather: there is little you can do but wait.

Research shows that this kind of contingent self-worth fluctuates strongly and is linked to more stress and anxiety (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001; Crocker & Park, 2004). So what matters is not only how high your self-worth is, but how stable it is (Kernis, 2003). And stability is something you can largely build yourself.

Self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence: what's the difference?

In everyday language these terms are often used interchangeably. Self-worth and self-esteem both describe how valuable you feel as a person. Self-confidence is about how much you trust your abilities in specific situations. If you want to become more confident, self-worth is hard to bypass.

How to build self-worth: 4 sources you can tap into yourself

1. Take your successes seriously. We quickly overlook what went well and remember every mistake. When you consciously notice what you have achieved, you experience yourself as competent. According to Albert Bandura, these personal mastery experiences are the strongest source of self-efficacy (Bandura, 1977, 1997).

2. Act by your own standards. Living by your values strengthens your self-worth, even when no one is applauding. Goals that fit your values are associated with greater well-being (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999). In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), values-based action is a core building block (Hayes et al., 2012).

3. Be kind to yourself, especially when things go wrong. Self-compassion means treating yourself the way you would treat a good friend (Neff, 2003). People with more self-compassion have a more stable sense of self-worth that depends less on success and on others' judgment (Neff & Vonk, 2009). They also respond more calmly to setbacks (Leary et al., 2007).

4. Give your inner child what it was missing. Many of us received too little recognition growing up. As an adult, you can give some of it to yourself. This is called "reparenting." The approach is best researched within schema therapy (Young et al., 2003).

But: your self-worth is not entirely up to you

Self-worth is social at its root. According to sociometer theory, it works like an internal gauge of whether you belong (Leary et al., 1995; Leary & Baumeister, 2000). This means you cannot build it entirely apart from other people. For someone who receives no appreciation at all, even self-compassion can only help so much.

That is not bad news. Over time, you internalize the appreciation you receive from others (Harter, 2012). The more of it sinks in, the less you need constant validation from outside. So it is worth nurturing relationships in which you feel seen, and truly letting the good in.

Exercise: the Evening Review

For two to three weeks, take five minutes each evening. The exercise combines elements of proven writing exercises (Seligman et al., 2005) with self-compassion practices (Neff & Germer, 2013). Briefly write down:

What went well for me today? And what does that say about me? "I managed to … That shows I can …"
Where did I stay true to myself today? Even if no one noticed.
What was difficult, and what would I say to a good friend about it? Say exactly that sentence to yourself.
What did my inner child need to hear today? For example: "You're good just as you are."
Where did I receive appreciation today? Read it attentively instead of brushing it off.

At the end of the week, read through everything and ask yourself: What picture of me emerges if I look only at this? Self-worth doesn't grow overnight. But every evening you meet yourself with kindness is a small step toward a self-worth that holds up on grey days too.

Frequently asked questions about self-worth

Can you build self-worth?

Yes, to a large extent. Self-worth is relatively stable, but you can influence how much it fluctuates and what it rests on: personal mastery experiences, values-based action, self-compassion, and relationships in which you feel appreciated.

How long does it take to improve self-esteem?

Expect weeks to months, not days. In a study of an eight-week self-compassion program, participants' self-compassion increased substantially (Neff & Germer, 2013). Consistency matters more than intensity.

What is the difference between self-worth and self-confidence?

Self-worth is how valuable you feel as a person. Self-confidence is how much you trust your abilities. A stable sense of self-worth makes it easier to feel confident.

When does professional support make sense?

If low self-worth weighs on you for a long time, comes with persistent low mood or anxiety, or limits your daily life, it is worth seeking support from a professional.

References

Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215.

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman.

Crocker, J., & Park, L. E. (2004). The costly pursuit of self-esteem. Psychological Bulletin, 130(3), 392–414.

Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593–623.

Harter, S. (2012). The construction of the self: Developmental and sociocultural foundations (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Kernis, M. H. (2003). Toward a conceptualization of optimal self-esteem. Psychological Inquiry, 14(1), 1–26.

Leary, M. R., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). The nature and function of self-esteem: Sociometer theory. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 32, 1–62.

Leary, M. R., Tambor, E. S., Terdal, S. K., & Downs, D. L. (1995). Self-esteem as an interpersonal monitor: The sociometer hypothesis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68(3), 518–530.

Leary, M. R., Tate, E. B., Adams, C. E., Allen, A. B., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self-compassion and reactions to unpleasant self-relevant events: The implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(5), 887–904.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.

Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44.

Neff, K. D., & Vonk, R. (2009). Self-compassion versus global self-esteem: Two different ways of relating to oneself. Journal of Personality, 77(1), 23–50.

Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410–421.

Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482–497.

Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner's guide. Guilford Press.