How to manage Stress

Stress is one of the most universal human experiences. Whether it’s looming deadlines, financial pressure, relationship tension, or just the daily grind, stress can feel like a constant companion in modern life. It affects our mood, our sleep, our ability to focus—and when it builds up, it can leave us feeling depleted, stuck, or even burned out.

Most people respond to stress by trying to get rid of it: take a break, power through, fix the problem, or avoid it altogether. Sometimes these strategies work—temporarily. But often, the stress keeps coming back, and the harder we try to control or escape it, the more exhausted and overwhelmed we feel.

What if we’ve been approaching stress the wrong way?

The Real Roots of Stress

Consider Nina. She’s a high-performing professional who constantly feels like she’s falling short. Even when praised, she thinks, They’re just being nice. She takes on too much at work, rarely rests, and feels guilty when she does. She wants to slow down, but the thought of disappointing others or being seen as “less capable” makes her stomach turn.

From the outside, she looks like she’s managing. But inside, she’s drowning in pressure.

The real source of Nina’s stress isn’t just her workload - it’s her belief that she is only valuable if she is productive.

Stress isn’t just caused by external pressure. It’s deeply shaped by our internal beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. These beliefs act like filters through which we interpret life’s demands. They influence what we pay attention to, how we interpret situations, and how we respond to them - both mentally and behaviorally.

Take the belief “I’m only valuable if I’m productive.” Someone who holds this belief might constantly overcommit, avoid rest, and feel guilty for slowing down - like Nina - not because the tasks themselves are unbearable, but because not doing them feels like failure. The result? Chronic stress, self-criticism, and eventual burnout. Or consider the belief “I can’t handle this.” When stress arises, this belief fuels panic, withdrawal, or rigid control strategies. It makes ordinary challenges feel like overwhelming threats, amplifying the stress response. Instead of approaching difficulties with flexibility or seeking support, the person might shut down or spiral into avoidance.

In short, our beliefs don’t reflect reality. They create emotional and behavioral loops that reinforce stress.

A New Way Forward: Loosening the Grip of Limiting Beliefs

This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a transformative approach by helping us develop a new relationship with our thoughts and feelings.

Instead of trying to argue with or suppress limiting beliefs, ACT teaches us to practice defusion - the skill of seeing our thoughts as thoughts, not truths or commands. Rather than getting caught up in a belief like “I’m not enough” or “I can’t handle this,” we learn to step back and say, “Ah, there’s that story again.”

This creates space - space to choose how we respond, rather than automatically obeying whatever our mind throws at us.

Alongside defusion, ACT helps us:

• Notice our inner stories without blindly obeying them.

• Relate differently to discomfort, including stress, rather than avoiding or reacting impulsively.

• Reconnect with what truly matters—our values—and use those as a compass for action.

So, Nina might start by noticing her old story when it shows up: There’s that voice saying I have to earn my worth again. Instead of fighting it or giving in, she practices defusion - acknowledging the thought without letting it drive her behavior. She might even label it gently: “Thanks, mind. That’s the ‘not enough’ story again.”

She doesn’t need to erase the thought - just stop letting it dictate her choices.

That shift might allow her to say “no” to a non-essential project, or to take a weekend off without justifying it. Not because she feels completely calm - but because she’s choosing based on what she values (health, family, integrity), not what she fears.

Stress Isn’t the Enemy

Here’s the thing: Stress is not a problem to eliminate at all costs. It’s a natural part of life, especially when we care deeply or stretch ourselves in meaningful ways.

But when stress is fueled by rigid beliefs and avoidance of discomfort, it becomes chronic and consuming.

ACT doesn’t promise a stress-free life. It offers something better: the ability to feel stress without being controlled by it, to listen to your thoughts without always believing them, and to live a life that reflects who you are - not just what the world demands of you.

What Changes Over Time?

When people begin to unhook from limiting beliefs and take action based on their values, something remarkable often happens: stress becomes lighter. It may still show up -but it’s no longer running the show.

You don’t need to fix yourself to feel less stressed. You may just need to notice the stories you're living by, get curious about whether they serve you, and start choosing differently - even when discomfort is in the room. Stress may visit -but it doesn't have to define you.